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Family
Children Baby Talk When talking to a baby, men do not use baby talk, men use man talk. Baby Feeding Only the woman will feed the baby. Bottles are not good enough, so have her use the more natural ones. Baby Training At six months old, a man child shall begin training for professional sports. If he's old enough to crawl, he's old enough to crawl across an end zone with a football. Treatment of Children *Spanking (not abuse) is acceptable to serve as a punishment for anything above petty mischief. *A man is not obliged, or even encouraged, to give "TLC" to his children. What is acceptable, however, is to vaguely address the fact that there are shorter-than-average people running about the house. Naming *A man should not give his son a name conventionally given to a girl. Gender nonspecific names such as "Pat", "Kris", and "Erin" should also be avoided. *So-Called creative spellings of names are not acceptable names for men. Examples of such spelling alternatives include the exchange of the -ey suffix for -eigh, and the misuse of the letter Y (as in Alyx). Just because Lynyrd Skynyrd did it doesn't mean you can too. *A Man should not name his son after construction supplies, tools, weapons or other manly objects in an attempt to emphasize masculinity. These should instead be used as middle names. *Only one or two syllable car-related names may be used for nicknames (Dodge, is acceptable as is Chevy, while Oldsmobile is not). Also, foreign brands are not acceptable (Toyota, Hyundai, Mercedes-Benz, etc.) especially French brands (Peugeot, Renault, etc.); the exception is "MG," which is an acceptable coincidence if those are, in fact, the person's initials. *An example of a manly name is Johnson McCragrock. The first is hardy, but, an acceptable Christian name. Others include Brick, or Slate - building materials. The last name is not recognizable, yet betrays the idea of the man spending his free time breaking boards with his belt muscles. Any name that suggests that this child could grow up to be a warrior on a medieval battle field weilding a giant hammer is encouraged, such as "Stonecrusher Lionheart" or "Bonebreaker MacKillsallot." Having last names such as "Payne," "Hurtz," "McHugeballs," etc. are awesome and imply power, physical damage, and overall manliness; thus they should be utilized to create names of the aforementioned breed. *In some instances it may be acceptable to name your child after a superhero, but only super heroes whose names are not in violation of previous rules, or use alliteration. Unacceptable examples include "Peter Parker" or "Oliver Queen" (the latter for sounding like a stage actor even though he's basically Robin Hood and has sex with any woman he wants). Acceptable names include Logan, Clark, Bruce, Any variation of the Flashes names, or Captain America. Steve Rogers is also acceptable. The Manliest name of this variety is "Magneto Jones" Most Manly Names *Stirling Mortlock "what a name" *Lance Armstrong "the man can do more with one ball than you could do with 7" *Bear Grylls "he eats crap for fun" *Max Fightmaster "yes its actually his name" (Source: The 9 manliest names in the world) *Slab Bulkhead *Fridge Largemeat *Punt Speedchunk *Butch Deadlift *Bold Bigflank *Splint Chesthair *Flint Ironstag *Bolt Vanderhuge *Thick McRunfast *Blast Hardcheese *Buff Drinklots *Trunk Slamchest *Fist Rockbone *Stump Beefknob *Smash Lampjaw *Punch Rockgroin *Buck Plankchest *Stump Chunkman *Dirk Hardpec *Rip Steakface *Slate Slabrock *Crud Bonemeal *Brick Hardmeat *Whip Slagcheek *Punch Side-iron *Gristle McThornbody *Slate Fistcrunch *Buff Hardback *Blast Thickneck *Crunch Buttsteak *Slab Squatthrust *Lump Beefbroth *Touch Rustrod *Reef Blastbody *Big McLargehuge *Smoke Manmuscle *Beat Punchbeef *Hack Blowfist *Roll Fizzlebeef *Chad Sexington *ManTorious Peterson *Jackson McThrob-rock Least Manly Names *Pat Rabbit *Erick Bright *Dick Small *Vagina McPussington *Elton John *Tiny Wilson